Humor

An Author’s Search History, Or: How To Look Like A Murder Suspect Without Even Trying

My best friend and I have a deal: whichever one of us outlives the other deletes the recently deceased’s search history. No questions asked — except, I guess, by ouija board. We’re both writers, and when we talk about an author’s search history, we mean something…a little bit different from your average, everyday perversity.

As a millennial, I grew up when the internet was wild and untamed. My generation were there when all the grossest memes were born and we lived to tell the tale. (Put simply, it takes a lot to scare us.) Those of you who were there might be thinking, But what could be worse to have in your search history than “2 girls 1 cup” or — God forbid — “1 man 1 jar”?

Well, buddy, I’m so glad you asked.

As fiction writers, we need to know things. Horrible things. Things like: What do dead bodies look like? Would X, Y, and Z kill a man (and how quickly)? What happens if a monarch gets assassinated 100+ years after a certain archduke? What did embalming smell like in the 16th century? OK, that last one’s just kind of weird, but you see where I’m going with this.

So, for your reading enjoyment, here’s an author’s search history, or: how to look like a murder suspect without even trying?

image of a half-open laptop.

An Author’s Search History, Or: How To Look Like A Murder Suspect Without Even Trying

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murder mysteries set in space

how long to die in space

how long can you live without oxygen

how long to strangle someone

most effective strangulation methods

stab wounds

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why does Google say I have unusual traffic

what happens when you get stabbed

what does getting stabbed feel like

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Christopher Lee stabbing scene

stab wounds in low pressure environment

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is the ISS low pressure or high pressure

would blood ruin spacecraft equipment

how far does blood travel in low gravity

difference between low gravity and freefall

undetectable ways to kill

what happens if you die in space

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Jack the Ripper in space

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Body Farm pictures

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rain on Venus

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John George Haigh

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Devil’s Gold

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what does sulfuric acid smell like

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phosgene gas planet

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how long to die sulfuric acid

sulfuric acid in low pressure environment

dangerous chemicals aboard ISS

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deadly chemicals with no odor

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standard autopsy procedure

murders that didn’t show up in autopsy

does the air bubble between the toes really work

how long to write a novel

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how to hide traffic from Google

when can writers quit their day jobs

six-figure book deals

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If you don’t know what these mean, be happy, and Google at your own risk.


Want more writer humor? Check out M. Lynx Qualey’s list of the best “Hi, I’m a Writer in a Movie” memes and Alysia Stevenson’s essay on the five phases of writer’s block.

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