An Apology to All the Audiobooks I’ve Slept Through

I’ve slept through a lot of audiobooks over the years. They’re my go-to sleep aid, and my life would be a lot more sleep deprived without them. Sometimes, though, I do get a twinge of guilt. All of those perfectly good books, reading their hearts out in my ear, unheard. I try to keep track, and pick up where I fell asleep the last time. I really do. The sleep-timer on my audiobook app is helpful. But more often than not I fall asleep in the first five minutes, and come back to it the next night with no idea of what’s going on. Eventually I lose all sense of the plot, swamped by mismatched fragments of dialogue, and give up. So here it is. My apology to all the audiobooks I’ve wronged over the years: I’m sorry! You all deserve a more attentive listener. Bhagavad Gita, I’ve wanted to read you for years. Some day I’ll give you the attention you deserve. I may have fallen asleep during your first chapter six times, but that doesn’t mean you’re not interesting! I’m sure that your beautiful, ancient words seeped into my dreams even if I can’t remember any of them. Dead by Midnight, I hate to admit that I added you to my phone with no intention of finding out who done it. The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up, I still have no idea how to organize my life, despite your best efforts. I was really interested, I swear! But I was exhausted that week and I don’t think I even made it past the introduction. Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland, you of all books know what it’s like to doze off. I know you won’t judge. I’ve slept through every minute of your audiobook countless times, but you know that’s only because you’re such a beloved childhood friend. Fortunately, The Milk, it’s not your fault that Neil Gaiman’s voice is so mellifluous. He lulled me to sleep before I could find out if he ever made it back home with that milk. And to all the other audiobooks out there that I’ve dozed through: I just want you to know that even if I never listen to you all the way through, I appreciate each and every one of you. Your repentant reader, Zoe Dickinson