BOOK RIOT

How Do You Like Them (Literary) Apples, Part 1: The Men

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by

Wallace Yovetich
in

After a good decade of living in Los Angeles I had the pleasure of having almost everyone I know work in The Industry. The Industry in L.A. means the entertainment industry, of course. Out of all of my friends (and relatives) there, I could count on one hand those of us who had nothing to do with The Industry. That said, being a teacher turned writer meant I was very often out of the norm when it came to my stance on whether actors bested authors. Let’s settle this once and for all, shall we? This week the gentlemen, next week the ladies…

Anything you can do, we can do better.
We can do anything better than you.
Any face you show us, we can add brains too.
We can have smarts and look better than you.
Yes we can. Yes we c-a-a-a-a-a-a-n!

You've got Rebels-Who-Die-Young? We've Got Rebels-Who-Die Young!
You've got Quirky-In-A-Seriously-Irresistable-Sexy-Way? We've got Quirky-In-A-Seriously-Irresistable-Sexy-Way.
You have Depress-Me-With-All-of-Your-Work Hotties? We've got Depress-Me-With-All-of-Your-Work Hotties.
You've got men with Skin-That-Makes-Us-Want-To-Reach-Out-And-Touch-It? Check out our men with Skin-That-Makes-Us-Want-To-Reach-Out-And-Touch-It.
Your Boozy-Old-Mysoginists aren't nearly as handsome as our Boozy-Old-Mysoginists.
You have Changed-Society-By-Leaps-and-Bounds-Artists? Put our Changed-Society-By-Leaps-and-Bounds-Artist in your pipe and smoke it.
You want Irish Men? We've got Irish Men (with sexy Irishman scarves)!
You've got Cross-Overs-With-Style? Check out our Cross-Overs-With-Style.

Ridiculous Clause to Stop Backlash Before it Starts: For those of you who may take unnecessary offense to any of these comparisons or glib descriptions (and there will be some of you), I am putting in this clause to let you know that I am, indeed, messing with you (for lack of a better phrase). Enjoy the humor and know that I know that beautiful actor men can be smart and worthwhile too.

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Wallace Yovetich reviews an eclectic mix of literature spanning from graphic novels to classic literature on her book blog, Unputdownables. Follow her on Twitter: @BookishWallace

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